Do I really have to remain chaste?

You were married and sexually active for years. It’s not the middle ages anymore; so how can the Church realistically expect you to remain chaste? Because the Church understands the human person and what makes man and woman flourish.

Sex is Body Language

First, remember that any sexual activity is reserved for marriage only. Why? Because sex is “body language” for wedding vows. In the marital embrace, spouses say with their bodies what they promised at the altar: a free and complete giving of self to one another.  “Everything I have is yours. Nothing held back. Only death can separate us.” People who are not married have not fully and completely exchanged the fullness of their hearts and lives with one another.  Even when you are in love or engaged, you have not exchanged that full marital consent and you are not married. Even if you feel like it.

Sex outside marriage also speaks a languagea and it’s not the langage  of true love. It says:

• I am so drawn to you. I want to be physically intimate. 
• Let us give each other pleasure.
• I want to please you. BUT no full commitment yet.
• Part of me is not sure. Let’s just ignore that for now.
• Let’s not ruin the moment. What’s the rush?
• Let’s talk about all that later.
• Can’t you just accept this as it is?
• I can’t promise how long this will last.
• I ‘d like to marry you someday, but not now. 
• I don’t want to give give any other part of my life over to you as fully as I am giving my body.  

Chastity is an Attitude

Chastity is about genuine love and care for the dignity of the person. It is the proper understanding and use of your sexuality: the way you think, act, speak, and dress.  A chaste person is respectful and does not intentionally arouse themselve or others to sexual passion with the way they dress, the way they talk , or act, unless they are married.  And even married people must be chadte in that they never sexually hurt or use one another.

• Chastity as an attitude is the right ordering of all all your sexual passions and inclinations to God’s design.
• Chastity as a virtue helps you regulate your passions according to your state in life (single, married, religious).

Abstinence is not the same as chastity

Abstinence simply means abstaining from (not having) sex.  Most of the time people are not having sex. Even married people abstain when one is very tired, sick, they are apart, or they are practicing natural family planning. Chastity means if you are engaging in sexual activity, it is with mututal love and tenderness with your spouse.

Its time to learn the truth

Too many people are stuck in an emotionally adolescent way of thinking about sex. They have never learned the beauthy, power, and freedom of a healthy sexuality.

We recommend learning about St. John Paul II’s beautiful ‘Theology of the Body” a fresh, new way to look at old and timeless truth: that sex outside the loving, faithful commitment of  marriage is a way of temporarily using one another. As satsifying  as it can feel at the tine, it ultimatley deprives them of the fullness of love for which their hearts were made. Beneath the sexual euphoria usually lies a constant fear and frustration. Does she really love me? Will he leave? How long will this last? Is my future secure?  These are not the ways of love, these are the ways of using.  It may feel good today but it will hurt tomorrow. It always does.

Saving sex as that exclusive, special way of expressing life-long vows of faithfulness to one another with our bodies brings great satisfaction, deep trust, and authentic bonding. It’s possible and so  worth it; ask the increasing millions of men and women who are now doing it God’s way and are reaping the sweet and lasting benefits of it.

The best is yet to come

Pray for the virtue of chastity. Receive the Sacraments often. Get professional help if you struggle. Trust God. Trust his Church.

Saving sex as that exclusive, special way of expressing life-long vows of faithfulness to one another with our bodies brings great satisfaction, deep trust, and authentic bonding. It’s possible and so  worth it; ask the increasing millions of men and women who are now doing it God’s way and are reaping the sweet and lasting benefits of it.

References

Bible: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her … Ephesians 5:25

Catechism: In marriage, the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion . . . CCC 2360

More:
Living as Brother and Sister

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