Arf! Arf! Meow-w-w . . . Sometimes people of different temperaments may as well be speaking different languages!

Do you know or live with someone whose “personal dialect” seems to be the opposite of yours?

What’s a temperament?

Temperament is how you’re hard-wired to see yourself in the world and how you naturally react to life and others.

• Optimist, pessimist, or a bit of both.
• Naturally sweet and sunny, or more cautious and suspicious.
• Loud or quiet. Light or intense. Fast and furious or slow and careful.

All of these opposite attitudes/traits can be good or not-so-good, depending on the circumstances. You were born with a set of default tendencies that are meant to serve you well in life, bring you to holiness, and be a gift to others.

Is it the same as your personality?

No. Not to be confused with the “raw material” of your God-given temperament(s), your personality is the sum of all your innate (temperament), learned, or adopted behaviors and your physical, social, cultural, educational, intellectual, emotional, and psychological aspects. Your character is also separate from your temperament, being the set of beliefs, principles, and moral attributes you hold.

Do temperaments change?

Certain responses and behaviors can be learned, developed, and adopted, but your temperament is innate. God wants you to know, enjoy, and use the temperament he gave you. It doesn’t mean you are stuck in a box but it means there are certain traits that will come to you much more quickly and easily than others. And that’s a good thing!

Your mood can change. Your emotions can change. Your personality can change. Your character can change.

But not your temperament. Consider unchanging temperament as the raw material from which all these can flow and upon which they can build.

What does temperament measure?

Your innate (default) attitude, desires, and reactions; in general:

SPEED – do you naturally think/act quickly or more slowly and carefully?

INTENSITY – do you think/act/ hold beliefs firmly or fluidly/lightly?

DEPTH – do you think/act/ hold beliefs at a deep level or a more surface level?

DURATION – are your responses short-lived or long-lasting?

DIRECTION – do all of these natural responses tend to be private (introverted) or are they obviously apparent to others (extroverted) … or sometimes both??

None of these reactions are inherently superior to any other and are necessary and even virtuous in the right circumstances.

How many temperaments are there?

Four, and they come in two sets of opposites that complement each other. Like North and South, East and West. Winter or summer, spring or fall. In a nutshell:

• Choleric is loud, fast, high energy, and quickly takes charge.
• Phlegmatic is quiet, careful, balanced, and supportive.

Which one best describes YOU? You were born with one of these as part of your temperament, but not both. Now let’s look at the other two opposites and see which one best describes you.

• Melancholy is sensitive, curious, passionate, and loyal.
• Sanguine is silly, loud, playful, and a little fickle.

Of all four, you are a natural combination of only two. Now, I know you can feel or function like three of them or all four of them but that doesn’t mean you are them. I love Mexican food, Mariachi music, and can even cook fabulous homemade chili verde. But I am Irish . . . not of Mexican descent.

So, warning! We must be careful with these quick tests because they can create confusion and error. I’d rather you get the book and do a thorough study but if you insist on another quick test go HERE.

Your temperament is your unique set of preferences and desires

Some want peace at any cost. Some would rather have attention. Others want to be understood most of all.

Knowing these will give you a sense of both your unique goodness and where you need God’s grace to improve. It will give others a clue as to how to best understand and relate to you. Through this lens, you, too, can better understand what motivates others and learn to love them the way they need to be loved.

• Why do they do that?
• How can I get them to understand?
• How can I speak their “language?”
• (And why can’t they understand mine?)

Your temperament is one way you’re made in God’s image

We bring opposite and complementary facets into the world. Each temperament is a beautiful share in God’s divine nature: his boldness, his gentleness, his depth, and his light. It’s only pop-psychology when you don’t understand the richness it can bring to relationships, or when it is misunderstood and wrongly applied. For over forty years I’ve successfully tested and relied on this model of the classic four temperaments for:

• Seeing how we are truly “made in God’s image”
• Understanding the deepest emotional needs of each four types
• Knowing how to speak another’s “heart language”
• Learning how to best parent each of your children
• Falling more deeply in love with your spouse
• Maximizing your work team and company production
• Knowing we don’t have to take others’ actions so personally
• Appreciating and focusing on the gifts that God gave YOU
  …and so much more

You and I are in good company: St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Augustine, St. Francis de Sales, St. Ignatius of Loyola, St. Hildegard of Bingen, St. Teresa of Avila, and many more saints and mystics relied on the study of the classic four temperaments as a spiritual aid. It”s worth a deeper look.

If you’re interested in more, get the book HERE.
If you want to book a personal or group retreat on this topic, go HERE.

Are you still curious? Go HERE to take a quick temperament test. Enjoy!
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