How do I handle the loneliness?

” Everybody has a hungry heart . . .”  croons Bruce Springsteen, and he’s right.

God made our hearts to  ultimately hunger for Him. But in His design we are first emotionally fed by our parents, caretakers, siblings and family. When we go off to school, friendships fill our hearts. Later, emotional needs get satisfied by work, romantic interests, spouses, and children. But the trouble starts when we stop there.  These sources of love and belonging are meant to point us to God, not replace Him.

We can get too atttached even to those we love

Of course we need human interaction, warmth, safety, and love.  But no human relationship is meant to fill the hunger that the heart has for God alone. Too often we are far too emotionally attached to people. We can be terribly anxious if the relationship is not going well and terrified we will lose it. When we have become too attached to another, even our spouse and children, we may have what the Church calls an “inordinate attachment.” Healthy attachment is good; too much is not.  Grief when a relationship ends is normal. But if you have made an “idol” (false god) out of being in love or being married, you will crumble every time you can’t find or you lose that love.

Human love should point us to God

Loving relationships are gifts from God, but they should bring us to a deeper understanding of how perfectly and tenderly he loves us.  Our desire for love should catapult us into the heavens to find the Love that never fails, the Love that always satisfies. We can hold both divine and human loves in our hearts, properly ordering our wills to desire and be open to God’s love first.

Loneliness is a cross

It is a terrible cross to bear loneliness after divorce. The grief and sorrow can be overwhelming. Have a plan when loneliness hits:

• call a friend
• bring a gift to someone
• do a good deed for another
• roll up your sleeves and do something interesting, productive, and valuable
• tackle that project you’ve been postponing
• clean out your closet; have a garage sale
• get out of the house and go say hello to your neighbors
• go see that movie

Idleness is an invitation to wallowing in self-pity and that will take you down to a dark place.

Unite your loneliness with his

Emotionally, you can unite your sorrow with His loneliness on the cross. He sees you, understands, and knows the feelings of being despised and abandoned. While your emotions are healing, remind your intellect and will that the loneliness you feel is really and truly—at its deepest core—a longing for the face of God. And He is already right here, right now for you. In an even fuller way, He is the real, true and substantial presence in the Eucharist. Go sit with Him. He waits for you.

Bible: God is love, and he who abides in love, abides in God, and God in him. We loved Him, because He first loved us. 1 John 4:16, 19

Catechism: At every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls man to seek Him, to know Him, and to love Him with all his strength. CCC 1

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