Is divorce a sin?

The Pharisees asked Jesus the same question. So we look to Christ’s words and the teaching authority he gave to his Church.

First, the crumbling of a marriage is excruciating for everyone in the family and the wounds can last a lifetime. You know that; there’s no need to explain the pain it causes so many. We see the horrendous damage everywhere. Divorce is a grave offense against the natural order and …introduces grave harm and disorder into the family and …is a plague on society. Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 2382-2384. But sometimes it is unavoidable and seeking civil divorce in itself may not always be sinful.

The Church permits separation when necessary

Depsite the many good, solid marriages in the world, lots of wounded, hurting, and even incapable people attempt marriage. The Church permits separation (CCC 1693) only in grave cases that may include:

• Ongoing and serious emotional neglect, trauma, emotional, psychological, physical, sexual abuse
• Unhealed addiction (drugs, alcohol, sex, spending, et al)
• Persistent emotional or sexual infidelity
• Abandonment
• Any similar situation where it has become unsafe or “unbearable” to stay together

The Church still upholds the marriage bond

However, separation is permitted only with the understanding that:

• the marriage bond still stands and must be honored (no new relationships)
• if the cause for separation is sufficiently repaired, shared life should (prudently) resume

Civil divorce can be tolerated

Jesus made it clear that there are some exceptions to marriage’s unbreakability. He also said that, from the beginning, some people are not capable of marriage’s demands and requirements. (Matt 19)

The Church sometimes permits civil divorce to protect the spouse and children’s legal rights. In any case, the spouses do not cease to be bound by their marriage vows and must live in a manner that respects them.

You need a good reason

Leaving because counseling didn’t work, or someone was bored, bitterly disappointed, fell out of love, or grew apart are NOT reasons for violating marriage vows. Of course there may be much deeper unresolved and unhealed issues behind these “reasons” for separation or divorce. If there is any chance of reconciliation, you owe it to yourself, the other spouse, the family, and to God to do everything possible on your side to reconcile.

After divorce, it’s wise to place yourself under the guidance of a wise and holy counselor to uncover the roots and bring them to the Lord for healing.

Divorce always includes serious sin

While separation/ civil divorce may be tolerated in some cases and not considered a moral offense (CCC 2383), serious sin surely led up to it. At least one spouse, or both–through a series of sinful actions or attitudes–made it nearly impossible to live together. Often the problems’ roots lie at the very beginning of the relationship or even earlier.

If you have separated or divorced without trying everything possible and without good reason, you are likely in a very serious state of sin. Repent, get to confession, and seek wise counsel to make a plan for moving forward in the best way.

Each case is different. No one should determine his or her culpability for (a) what happened in the marriage, or (b) the failure that led to divorce without a humble spirit and wise, holy counsel.

References:

Canon Law: CIC 1151, 1153

Bible: He said to them, “It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Matt 19:8

Catechism: It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage. CCC 2386

More:
Do I need the bishop’s permission?

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