How do I help my kids?

First, by helping yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s smart. Imagine you all flew out of a car in a crash . . . you can’t crawl over and help the kids when you are rapidly losing blood yourself. You’ll last longer and be in a better position to help more family members if you first tie a tourniquet around your own gaping wound. Airline flight attendants always tell you that, in the event of an emergency, you must put the oxygen mask on yourself first, not your child.  Why? If you pass out, you will be no help to your baby.

Examine your life

After divorce we want to help you learn to let go of many things, slow down, take rest, get help, pray more, talk things out, solve problems, find solutions, create a new life, and learn to forgive. These are invaluable life-lessons that you can pass along to your children only after you learn them first. The most important lesson you must learn and pass on is the priority of God in every area of your life, the continual surrender of your will to His, and the desire to seek Him ever more.

Listen to your kids

No matter if they are still youngsters or adults, keep listening to your kids; they will each experience divorce differently.  You need not agree with them, orgive in to their demands, but listen and letthem know you hear them.  Things not to do:

• over-indulge them or ease up in normal routine or discipline (they need structure),
• share too many details with them,
• bad-mouth their other parent,
• over-schedule or over-stimulate them.

Everyoe can improve their parenting skills

Get trustworthy professional help for yourself or for them if necessary. Read good Catholic parenting books. We love author and Catholic psychologist (and father of ten) Dr. Ray Guarendi (https://drray.com) . Get counseling, pray . . . and play!

References:

Bible: Read the story of Eli, a godly man, who was a loving but weak parent who failed to teach his sons respect for their father or for the Lord. See what happened! 1 Sam 2:12 – 36

Catechism: Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.” Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. CCC 2221 – 2233

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Do you need some wisdom and guidance during or after your divorce? Schedule a coaching session with me (see links below) or find comfort in one of my books.