How do I handle my difficult ex?

• Are you still locked in with joint legal or business arrangements?
• Do you still have deep emotional ties that keep you entangled?
• Are you still expecting your ex to change?

During and after divorce, you may be stuck on a merry-go-round of painful emotions dealing with the person with whom you ‘d hoped for a lifetime of happiness.

Know where your frustration comes from

Anger comes from unmet expectations. Are your expectations realistic? Frustration come from still being emotionally, legally, or financially locked-in to someone who is not working with you. Are you expecting them to cooperate?  You can push, pull, threaten, fight, and turn blue in the face or you can get off the carousel.

Change your approach

Stop trying to change the person and instead ask the Lord for conversion of your own heart. This doesn’t mean accepting unfairness or being a victim. It means doing what you can and not letting the situation control you.

Be ready to forgive

Do you need to forgive or seek forgiveness? Unforgiveness and pride keep us engaged in battle. They also keep us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually weak. Don’t blame; instead get smart, try to look past the surface to the real problem, and find a workable solution. Be creative with workarounds.

Seek healthy detachment

Still waiting for that child support check to come? Don’t scream. Take legal action when and how you can but keep moving; redo your budget and learn to live without the check. Yes, it can be possible! If the money ever arrives, put it in savings.

Get creative

She won’t let you visit your children on your birthday? Consider letting it go and celebrate on another day. The way things are now—as unfair as they may be—will probably change. Work to change what you can and let go of the rest. And maybe ask God to help you grow up a little (or a lot).

Pray for clarity, wisdom, and humility for yourself. And pray for God not to change them for your sake, but to bring your former spouse all that he or she needs for salvation.

References

Bible: He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. Prov 16:32

Catechism:  Interior repentance is a radical reorientation of our whole life, a return, a conversion to God with all our heart, an end of sin, a turning away from evil, with repugnance toward the evil actions we have committed . . . it entails the desire and resolution to change one’s life, with hope in God’s mercy and trust in the help of his grace. CCC 1431

Handling Anger

___________________
Do you need some wisdom and guidance during or after your divorce? Schedule a coaching session with me (see links below) or find comfort in one of my books.