I believe I’m still married in God’s eyes

I don’t agree with annulment.  God brought us together.  I’ll never break our vows.

These are some of the understandable and heart-felt sentiments of civilly divorced people who do not want to abandon their wedding vows. Divorce can be a great sorrow to the spouse who remains. When one spouse leaves, the other may determine to remain faithful to the marriage vows regardless of the other’s absence.

Staying faithful can bear much fruit

Living a “married” life all by yourself is an extremely painful cross to bear but one that is not impossible and can bear much spiritual and practical fruit, such as:

•    Giving public example of authentic faithfulness to your children and the community,
•    Being a sign to all of the faithfulness Christ has for each of us,
•    Creating an emotionally safe place for a spouse to return,
•    Cooperating with grace to work out your own salvation,
•    Being a witness of obedience to the Church teachings,
•    Uniting the loneliness with Christ’s sufferings so that He can turn it into spiritual fruits.

Fidelity may be mixed with fear

Many civilly divorced people become comfortable with living apart and have no desire to remarry.  Which is a reasonable and moral choice. However, it’s also wise to check one’s outlook. Are there any unaddressed or unhealed hurts, anger, bitterness or fear?  Signs of this might include:

•    When staying “married” might be a way of staying stuck in bitterness or fear of moving on,
•    Struggling to accept reality because of an over-attachment to being married,
•    Staying stuck in victim-mode by continually referencing your “abandonment,”
•    Falling into pride by constantly calling the departing spouse the “adulterer,”
•    Falling into pride by inordinate focus and even excessive prayers for the other’s salvation,
•    Refusing to accept the authority of the Church Tribunal.

Annulment may come whether you want it or not

Anther painful blow after civil divorce is if the other spouse seeks and obtains a Decree of Nullity. A competent tribunal may have investigated the marriage through the annulment process and found enough credible evidence to declare no valid marriage bond came into being on the wedding day. Ouch! There is already enough shame and hurt in being rejected and having a failed marrage. Now the Church says you never had a marriage, the other person is not your spouse, and is free to remarry?  Careful. That is not “what the Church says.” Please consult with a wise and holy priest and read the links below to find out more about annulment.

Ask the Lord to help you

Draw close to the Lord. Bring your hurt, anger, questions, hopes, and dreams to him.  Consult a wise and holy priest. One should honestly ask if refusing to accept the Church’s decision comes from deep wounds, a rebellious spirit, or simply the huge fear of “now what?”  Maybe you are convineced the tribunal was wrong and you have been victimized again. Regardless, God certainly sees and knows the truth. You can take great comfort in that. Trust him to get you through this.

What is annulment

Annulment – A Tough Topic

References

Bible: Therefore, brothers, be all the more eager to make your call and election firm, for, in doing so, you will never stumble. For, in this way, entry into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ will be richly provided for you. 2 Peter 1:10-11

Catechism:  It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to “receive” the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ. This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ’s cross, the source of all Christian life. CCC 1615

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