We’re only separated; now what?

Divorce is hard enough, but separation has its own unique pain because you can feel stuck. There’s no finality, no apparent moving back or forward. It’s relationship “limbo”.

Each situation will require certain steps but for most couples this is a time for patience, practical planning, and doing the following:

Pray

Ask God to help you keep your primary focus on Him and His will for you.  In a certain sense, the marriage–whether valid or not, salvageable or not—is  secondary to your love for and faithfulness to God. Get to confession. Visit the Blessed Sacrament. Call on Him throughout the day. Draw close to Him.

Get wise, professional help

Do not try to do this by yourself or with a few friends’ counsel. Try to clearly identify how you got to this point so that you can work to solve the crises.  Many couples make a sincere effort to get back together, but their core problems have not been addressed. Over time they’ll come back and the hurt will be recycled. Ask God to help you get to the root. Remember: Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Set and enforce healthy boundaries

If there’s infidelity, addiction, or other sinful behavior going on, refuse to let it back into your life and home. That doesn’t mean you must divorce. It means get help, make a practical plan, and let your intellect lead, not your emotions (fear, guilt, regret, etc.)

Make an emergency plan

Money, kids, housing, and other practical issues need attention especially during separation.  Stop all unnecessary activity and spending for a few months or longer. Don’t just wait and do nothing. Whatever you have to do to stabilize the home, do it on a temporary basis. Start getting help on any practical issues where you need instruction or counseling.

Entrust your family to St. Jsopeh and Our Blessed Mother

These two powerful allies of ours have been given great gifts by Jesus to help us on earth who are trying to keep our families together. They hold a treasure of graces that can truly help you. Call on them!

References

Bible: In peace I lie down and at once fall asleep, for it is You and none other, Yahweh, who make me rest secure. Psalm 4:8

Catechism: Mary’s function as mother of men… flows forth from the superabundance of merits of Christ (alone), rests on His mediation (to the Father), depends entirely on it, and draws all its power from it.  (Lumen Gentium) CCC 970

More:

Do I need the bishop’s permission?

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