My adult children are still angry or hurting!

It can tear you apart to see your adult children angry, depressed, or worse after divorce. One of the most difficult lessons to learn in life to that we cannot change, fix, or lead others who are not ready, willing or able. Remember even God (the Perfect Father) could not keep all of his angels (Peter 2, Rev 12), and many of Jesus’ beloved and close followers walked away when it was too difficult (Jn 6:66).

Your children may take sides, abandon you, or stay stuck in their pain. They may make life choices or take on attitudes that are in direct opposition of how they were raised. While you can’t change your children–or anyone—you can change your own attitude.

Do any of these apply to your adult children?

• Refusing to listen or accept the truth
• Knowing what to do but being too proud, scared, cheap, or undisciplined to do it
• Blaming, being unwilling or not knowing how to forgive
• A doubt that God will bring justice in His own time
• An emotional attachment (a “payoff”) to being a victim of divorce
• Staying stuck in the role of protector of one of the parents

Let God’s love shine through you

These ways of thinking/acting must eventually be surrendered—along with one’s entire life—to a loving Lord. Most people only let go of the hurt/anger when they begin to believe HOW MUCH GOD LOVES THEM. So, as much as you want to do something to help and feel powerless, start by letting your children see God’s love through you.

Be a lighthouse for them

Sometimes. rather than running out into the choppy waves to save/ correct/teach  our drifting children, we can be a steady lighthouse on the shore. Standing firm on the rock of own relationship with God, his word, and his church, we can be a  shining beacon of truth and hope. We can be calm and at peace as we pray for them. When they get tired of being tossed around on emotional waves, God can direct them back to you.

Trust that Jesus will heal them

You get to participate in their healing along with Christ. Consider daily prayer and sacrifice; Scripture tells us the source of all healing comes from Jesus’ suffering and sacrifice. (Isaiah 53:5 and 1 Peter 2:24). What suffering are you willing to “offer up” for your children’s emotional healing?  Skip a meal, forgo a new purchase, go without your favorite TV show and offer it up (united with Christ’s perfect sacrifice). It works!

Helping Kids After Divorce
Kids Acting Out After Divorce

References

Bible: Through his bruises you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24

Catechism: The only perfect sacrifice is the one that Christ offered on the cross … By uniting ourselves with this sacrifice we can make our lives a sacrifice to God. CCC 2100

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Do you need some wisdom and guidance during or after your divorce? Schedule a coaching session with me (see links below) or find comfort in one of my books.