Why am I taking longer to heal than others?

Stop looking at others

You may look at others who seem to heal more quickly, or even your ex-spouse who seems to have moved on.  Stop comparing. Each person is unique and unrepeatable so the way each experiences divorce will be just as unique. No one will experience divorce quite the same way you do. Be wary of shame that comes from unrealistic expectations.</p>

Look at all the other issues

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Most people enter marriage with still-unhealed wounds from their past.

They also bring huge hopes and dreams for the future. In between all that is an unrealistic view of the world in general that they hope will be disproved as life passes. They believe their marriage has taken care of all that. So, when divorce hits, these past issues and future hopes are also brought to the surface like raw nerves. And then something else happens: not only are you facing the reality of a failed marriage, but you are being forced to face the MUCH BIGGER reality of life itself:

Take a look at how you’re thinking

Life is hard, it’s fragile, and it’s not easy.  People betray you. Jobs disappoint. Diets fail. Cost of living keeps increasing. Your body parts keep sagging and youth is passing.  It may seem that ALL of life’s golden opportunities have passed you by.  You could afford a house back then, but not now.  Years ago you could “get a guy/girl,” but those days seem gone. Retirement could have come early, but now you’ll have to work longer. And on top of that you are alone to face caring for your children and your aging parents. As they say, “life sucks and then you die.”

Look at the biggest picture

The healing of divorce thus requires your willingness to eventually look past the marriage issues to the bigger picture of life: to why you were born in the first place, why God made you, and where you are headed for eternity.  Too often, our marriage and family has become a false “god” and when we lose it we suffer deep and dark, fearful, and frantic insecurities.

Look at God’s love for you

Our resources invite you to take deep breath, step back, and allow God to show you His love, mercy, promises and His vision for your life. One that is filled with great hope even within the pain, and rich in a love that never fails.

References

Bible: We are afflicted in every way, but not constrained; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Cor 4:8-9

Catechism: The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for. CCC 27

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Do you need some wisdom and guidance during or after your divorce? Schedule a coaching session with me (see links below) or find comfort in one of my books.