{"id":6872,"date":"2020-04-19T16:50:46","date_gmt":"2020-04-19T16:50:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/?p=6872"},"modified":"2023-09-14T16:35:47","modified_gmt":"2023-09-14T16:35:47","slug":"is-it-ok-to-separate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/is-it-ok-to-separate\/","title":{"rendered":"Is it okay to separate?"},"content":{"rendered":"

It sounds like a bad word, but separation in marriage\u00a0may be just what the doctor ordered<\/em>. But first, let\u2019s separate<\/em> it into two areas:<\/p>\n

( 1 ) Separation within a marriage
\n( 2 ) Separation from a spouse<\/p>\n

Some separation can be loving<\/strong><\/h5>\n

In marriage, the two become one<\/em>[1]<\/a>, but that doesn\u2019t mean my husband gets to finish my sandwich just because I left it there for five minutes, or that he can take all the covers at night, every night! Healthy boundaries sometimes require a form of separateness to protect both spouses’ dignity, safety, or well-being. So, the word “separation” in itself is not a bad thing.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I just have to \u201cget away\u201d from my husband, Bob. I know he can feel the same! We both live and work out of our small home and unless I am on the road for work, we are with each other morning, noon, and night. Day after day. Week after . . . well, you get the picture.<\/p>\n

Good separation<\/em> intends pausing, refreshing, healing, balancing, and strengthening<\/em>, all with the purpose of creating a balanced union.
\n
\n<\/u><\/strong>Bad separation<\/em> is withdrawing in anger, bitterness, selfishness, fear, revenge, or control<\/em>. \u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s unloving; it throws off the splintery cross and refuses to suffer for a greater good.<\/p>\n

Sometimes being apart can encourage togetherness<\/strong><\/h5>\n

The Church also teaches that periodic sexual separation (continence) can be a virtue[2]<\/a> that<\/p>\n

(a) respects<\/em> the body,
\n(b) encourages tenderness<\/em>, and
\n(c) favors authentic freedom<\/em>.<\/p>\n

These beautiful relationship benefits can also be enjoyed in other types of healthy separation.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, Bob and I are blessed to have separate bathrooms and, when he snores or if one of us is sick, separate bedrooms. Trust me, it keeps the love alive! To keep the peace, to show love\u2014and sometimes because it\u2019s simply more practical\u2014it may be okay to have a separate shelf in the fridge, separate laundry baskets, and separate cars. But . . .<\/p>\n

Don’t get carried away with this!<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Sometimes you may have separate social circles or even separate bank accounts.\u00a0 Great care must be taken not to slip into selfishness and measured living. I admit sometimes I hide the last of the cookies from Bob, but hiding can<\/em> be a sign of sinful thinking and behaviors. Too much of it, in the wrong areas, and for the wrong reasons, can weaken or deeply damage the marriage bond. In cases where property, possessions, or financial or other control was withheld in totality or in part from the other in a \u201cpre-nup,\u201d that separateness can prevent a valid marriage bond from ever arising. Unlike other human relationships, marriage requires a totality of giving[4]<\/a><\/p>\n

Separation from a spouse is different<\/strong><\/h5>\n

It exposes and opens wide a painful crack in the marriage that can invite all manner of infectious evil. Separating is generally not a good idea<\/em> and should be used only as a last resort<\/em> because of the risks involved. It\u2019s far too easy to find relief in a temporary escape from the difficulties and then decide not to return to the marriage. Those of us in some form of marriage ministry agree that a temporary physical or legal “separation” as most people approach it works in less than 10% of cases.<\/p>\n

What does the Church permit?<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Let’s briefly review what the Church teaches in this sensitive and important area:<\/p>\n