{"id":6666,"date":"2020-04-13T14:12:02","date_gmt":"2020-04-13T14:12:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/?p=6666"},"modified":"2022-07-16T01:11:55","modified_gmt":"2022-07-16T01:11:55","slug":"help-for-adult-children-of-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/help-for-adult-children-of-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Help for Adult Children of Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"
Divorce hurts the kids in ways you can’t see<\/strong><\/h5>\n

It\u2019s a myth: the children of divorce do NOT come out unscathed and they do NOT always bounce back beautifully. Parents should find a way to make it\u2014any way short of serious abuse\u2014at least for the sake of the innocent victims. While this is not always possible, many people divorce without exhausting every possible solution for staying together.<\/p>\n

No matter their age, children of divorce can have wounds that go deep and last for years. Without specific help, many can stay partially emotionally \u201cstuck\u201d at the age of the trauma. Despite any of their intellectual understanding that divorce may not have been unavoidable, or was even necessary, emotionally they will usually always long for their parents to be together\u2014even after decades. They often suffer from deep levels of fear of abandonment, fear of commitment, lack of trust, lack of commitment, inability to attach in a healthy way, and so much more. Their relationships, health, careers, marriages, and own children can suffer.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s the really bad news. Is there any hope? Of course there is, and his name is Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n

Jesus still heals<\/strong><\/h5>\n

If you are a divorced parent and cringe at the thought of what you or the other parent have done to the kids, it\u2019s not too late. If you are one of the adult children of divorce, it is not too late for you, either.<\/p>\n

Everyone in the family is hurt by divorce\u2014there is no escape. But two thousand years ago, Christ came to heal the blind, lame, deaf, dumb, crippled, and diseased.\u00a0 He even raised people from the dead and he still is in the business of miracles. Life is plagued with injustices, traumas, and even horror\u2014including divorce\u2014none of which should ever be minimized.\u00a0 But if we also fail to offer hope and a solution, we leave others in a state of despair . . . or worse.<\/p>\n

Moms and Dads, God love you<\/em>, maybe you did not want the divorce, fought it with all you had, or had no other choice than divorce for the safety or sanity of your family.\u00a0 Regardless\u2014and even if some relief came from the divorce\u2014everyone was adversely affected in some way.\u00a0 If you have not done so, you need to admit it as that is the first step to real healing for you and everyone. This is not about blame since that is for your confessor; this is about the promise of our faith of healing for all.<\/p>\n

How do adult children of divorce heal? <\/strong><\/h5>\n

Just as their parents do, through a slow, careful, and consistently Catholic path. The following list is not meant to be a quick fix and it will probably take years for the layers of hurt to be brought to the Light. But this path to healing works, as many can attest.<\/p>\n

For all family members:<\/p>\n

1 \u2013 Admit you need help and ask God to help you find it.<\/p>\n

2 \u2013 Draw close to him daily and cling tightly to him, taking a day at a time.<\/p>\n

3 \u2013 Begin to deepen your prayer life, even with baby steps.<\/p>\n

4 \u2013 Be honest about your emotions and struggles. Especially with God. He can take it.<\/p>\n

5 \u2013 Start talking with a trusted friend or in a support group about what has been kept hidden and secret and taboo\u2014maybe since you were a child.<\/p>\n

6 \u2013 Make a list of all your fears; work on it for a few weeks. Take it to prayer. And a good spiritual director.<\/p>\n

7 \u2013 Seek professional Catholic counseling in uncovering the residual anger, rage, bitterness, genuine guilt, false guilt, or unaddressed grief.<\/p>\n

8 \u2013 Learn about what forgiveness is\u2026 and is not. Ask God to help you both find it and offer it to others. More on forgiveness HERE<\/a>.<\/p>\n

9 \u2013 Learn to fully grieve.\u00a0 (More difficult for some than it seems)<\/p>\n

10 \u2013 Learn how to love another person even when you can\u2019t trust him or her.<\/p>\n

11 \u2013\u00a0 Go to confession and unload anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, and other such sins. You don\u2019t have to be friend with or trust any person who hurt or keeps hurting or using you.<\/p>\n

12 \u2013 Learn about setting and (the hard part\u2026) enforcing healthy boundaries.<\/p>\n

15 \u2013 Pray for the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which include fortitude.<\/p>\n

16 \u2013 At some point, get out and offer help in this area to others who need it.<\/p>\n

17 \u2013 Pray for your whole family every day, that they open their hearts to God and do his will, not necessarily yours. Be patient and merciful.<\/p>\n

18- Pray that God will keep his promise, to bring good from evil and beauty from ashes. And he will.<\/p>\n

Some extra help for parents<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Parents, if you have not done so before, take these extra steps:<\/p>\n

1 \u2013 Just listen. Listening with your heart often means keeping your mouth shut.<\/p>\n

2 \u2013 Stop justifying, defending, and explaining. There is another time for that.<\/p>\n

3 \u2013 Stop criticizing their other parent. Just stop it all, right now, forever.<\/p>\n

4 \u2013 Give your child time and space\u2014even if it takes years\u2014to stop any frantic pursuit or wounded isolation. Be patient.<\/p>\n

5 \u2013 Decide to take the high road. Open your own heart wider to God.<\/p>\n

6 \u2013 Stop immoral living; it\u2019s never too late to model holiness to your family.<\/p>\n

7 \u2013 Forgive the other parent. Get rid of all bitterness.<\/p>\n

8 \u2013 If you have not already, seek forgiveness from the other parent if possible.<\/p>\n

9 \u2013 Try to come to some level of reconciliation or civility and kindness with the other parent. This takes two and may not be possible but try.<\/p>\n

10 \u2013 Don\u2019t stay stuck in shame or regret. Ask God for the freedom to receive his joy.<\/p>\n

11 \u2013 Keep your focus on Our Lord and continue to pray for your whole family.<\/p>\n

12 \u2013 Pray that God will bring great good from your children\u2019s wounds. Be patient and merciful.<\/p>\n

Lots more can be said for each point.\u00a0 There are endless layers to healing such deep wounds, but do not let shame or regret overwhelm you. Take a day at a time, stay on your knees, and be thankful for all things.<\/p>\n

Those who were poor in spirit and starving for love, purpose, security, and answers sought Jesus out. Some hobbled, others walked, and some even raced to Jesus for help. He is here, run to him now.<\/p>\n

Sacred Heart of Jesus, we place our trust in thee.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9955,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[68,70,71],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nHelp for Adult Children of Divorce - Rose Sweet<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/help-for-adult-children-of-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Help for Adult Children of Divorce - Rose Sweet\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/help-for-adult-children-of-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Rose Sweet\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-04-13T14:12:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-07-16T01:11:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/pictures_of_jesus_with_a_child.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rose Sweet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rose Sweet\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Help for Adult Children of Divorce - 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