{"id":3720,"date":"2016-01-19T17:41:14","date_gmt":"2016-01-19T17:41:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/?p=3720"},"modified":"2022-07-16T21:55:58","modified_gmt":"2022-07-16T21:55:58","slug":"no-mercy-for-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/no-mercy-for-you\/","title":{"rendered":"No mercy for you!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cI hate<\/em> him!\u00a0 I hope he burns in hell!\u201d<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Gulp! How do you handle it when someone spits out such fury?\u00a0 What do you say? What do you do?\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard this too many times in my decades of ministering to the separated and divorced.\u00a0 Sadly, I\u2019ve witnessed well-meaning but misdirected responses such as:<\/p>\n

Oh, dear. You shouldn\u2019t feel that way.
\nTsk! That\u2019s a sin!
\nYou need to repent of that right now.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>And probably one that makes the person even angrier:<\/p>\n

There, there. You don\u2019t really hate him.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, yes, she does!\u00a0 At least a very real part of her. She\u2019s wounded, angry, afraid, and probably feeling powerless to bring any justice into the situation. She’s sick of everything to do with the separation or divorce. She doesn\u2019t need to be corrected; she first needs to be affirmed\u2014not in her sin (yes, hatred is a sin, but hold that thought) but in her pain.\u00a0 A better response would be:<\/p>\n

I hate him, too. Let\u2019s pour some wine. (Clink!) Here\u2019s to us and to hell with him!<\/em><\/p>\n

Of course, I\u2019m just kidding . . . \u00a0but that, too, is a common response of someone who wants to help but doesn\u2019t really know how.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a better way\u2014and it\u2019s the Church who shows us.<\/p>\n

The Works of Mercy<\/h4>\n

Do you recall the Spiritual Works of Mercy?<\/em>\u00a0 Most people know the Corporal Works<\/em>: feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick, et al. \u00a0Both were formalized about the time of St. Thomas Aquinas but they are all rooted in Scripture and have been in practice in the Church for thousands of years. What the corporal works do for the body, the spiritual works do for the soul.<\/p>\n

While we must be merciful with others, we must begin by being merciful with ourselves. Each of us has a Core Self, that part of us that’s most calm, clear, centered, courageous, curious, compassionate, creative, confident, and connected<\/em> to God. But we also have other parts of us that are wounded, still unhealed, and that carry shame, fear, anxiety, and protective agendas.\u00a0 Let’s follow the works of mercy with our own inner parts and then similarly with others.\u00a0 After all, Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor as we love our SELF! (Mark 12:31)<\/p>\n

So read these as you would speak to others, but read again as you develop much more merciful “Self Talk.”<\/p>\n

Comfort the afflicted<\/strong><\/h5>\n

It\u2019s a great comfort to have someone affirm what we\u2019re feeling.\u00a0 Deep down we usually know the way back to sanity, we just want someone to be there with us.
\n\u201cWow. Hate? Hell? \u00a0You must <\/em>really<\/span> be hurting. I\u2019m so sorry. What can I do for you right now?\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Counsel the doubtful<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Even when our core self knows what’s right, another part of us can doubt and lose our way. We are comforted when we have someone help us find our way back home.
\n\u201cAre you sure you want to let all that anger eat you up? Let\u2019s find a better way to deal with things. I\u2019ll help!\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Instruct the ignorant<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Comfort and counsel are great but we also need practical steps to take; real-life techniques that work. Show us. Teach us.
\n\u201cWhen I get angry, I try to remember to take a deep breath, get a drink of water, go hit a bucket of balls, or throw myself down on my knees in prayer. After the emotions are calmed a bit I try to make a plan.\u00a0 Do you want to talk about it?\u00a0 Let\u2019s work on this together.\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Admonish the sinner<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Don\u2019t try to set us straight without first showing you love us.\u00a0 When we know you will comfort, affirm, counsel, teach, and walk with us, we\u2019ll be more open to your correction. And don\u2019t hold back on the truth; we need it!
\n\u201cYou\u2019re kidding. You\u2019re still angry at him?\u00a0 Stop! You know that will only eat you up inside and, actually, it\u2019s blocking your heart from God\u2019s grace right now. \u00a0Don\u2019t do that to yourself! I\u2019m going to confession on Saturday. Want to join me for lunch and then go with me?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Bear wrongs patiently<\/strong><\/h5>\n

We\u2019re so obsessed with ourselves sometimes. Thank you for being patient while we let God work in us.
\n\u201cUm-m-m\u2026it\u2019s me, your best friend. Remember? This anger thing is getting out of hand and I\u2019m worried about you. I\u2019m here for you. I\u2019m not going anywhere\u2014even when you\u2019re crabby at ME!\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Forgive Easily<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Forgive us; we know not what we do!
\n\u201cOf course I forgive you. I love you.\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Pray for the living and the dead<\/strong><\/h5>\n

Pray for us! We need your prayers.
\n\u201cDear Lord, please pour out your blessings on my friend and draw her heart closer to you. Thank you and bring good fruit from her problems. Amen.\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Now those<\/em> are some practical ways to show mercy.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9686,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[72,71],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nNo mercy for you! - Rose Sweet<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You can, and should, apply the Spiritual Works of Mercy first to the hurting, angry, or shame-based parts of your own self.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/no-mercy-for-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"No mercy for you! - Rose Sweet\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You can, and should, apply the Spiritual Works of Mercy first to the hurting, angry, or shame-based parts of your own self.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/no-mercy-for-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Rose Sweet\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-01-19T17:41:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-07-16T21:55:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/rosesweet.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/Depositphotos_12533090_l-2015.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2000\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1319\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rose Sweet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rose Sweet\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"No mercy for you! 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